Sadly for Matilda, she had a scan today of her PDA/heart murmur and the ibuprofen doesn't seem to have made any difference, in fact it's actually got a bit bigger. Great...I thought it would be ok. So they're not going to do anything for the next few days, see if it closes a bit more of its own accord then decide what to do next if it doesn't, so we could be back on the ventilator soon anyway.
Today was a good and bad day. Good- her eyes were open for the first time! That was amazing, even though they're so tiny and dark like alien eyes,but a big milestone for us! But then the PDA thing and the fact that her breathing was erratic and she was also sick after her feed did bother me, hadn't seen her be sick before. Know I am probably now a very overprotective first time mother and of course babies vomit, but was all new to me and made me feel terrified of her choking on it. I've been a bit weepy all day to be honest, and my parents came to see her and they were all very positive and I just wanted to say "You don't know she's going to be ok!" the phrase that rings in my head. I'm just so very aware of all the variables of what could happen and I just wish we were a month on so she'd be over 30 weeks and it'd feel like she was further up the path.
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