Is still so early on in this pregnancy I can't quite think forward to a time when there'll be a baby here. A much wanted, much loved little person. This week, while the sickness is here,(still!) I am also really emotional. I'm on theverge of tears a lot. The John lewis ad is making me properly sob because it is about a girls life from babyhood to grandparent. The music- Always a woman- is beautiful but the sentiment is really moving. You go through life, wanting, always wanting, but always moving on and then one day you're old and it's all behind you. I got ever so upset trying to explain this to P and saying but it all goes so quickly and before we know it Binky will be grown up and it'll all be over and what if we don't remember. Not sure I expressed myself fully there! I want to cherish every moment now but I am so impatient to hold him or her in my arms and for them to reach up their little hand to mine and know that this is life, this is what we have created. I don't want to miss out on time going too fast.
So I guess in a way I feel a bit guilty about moaning about feeling rough when so many others would give anything to be in my position. I would have given anything this time before IVF. I've never been very good at thinking of the bigger picture when I'm uncomfortable.
Found out this week about C's ivf working, oh my goodness she was shocked! First time! Got to be honest, I hadn't expected it to work first time for her either. So glad it did. She seemed to not deal with it particularly well going through it, so please please let it be ok for her and she'll not have to go through that again. I am SO relieved not to have to ever do it again. Ivf is over for me. It has played the hugest part and it makes me emotional to think it's done.
Am still only at 14 weeks though. Mustn't get too carried away. Read a blog this week that upset me quite a bit about a lady who lost one twin at 8 weeks, like mine (not that I knew it really) then the second at 15. Poor poor woman. At 12 weeks I was seeing a baby at the scan, not a foetus. That would be an indescribable loss.
On a good note, ordered a sterilising kit from asda online cos it was two thirds off. I bought a sterilising kit! Wow...
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
3 months on...
3 months preggers and here we are. Oh dear I do still feel rough. As the sickness doesn't seem to be waning at 12 weeks, am holding out for 14 which lots of people have said they felt better by. Let's hope so! Not enjoying the feeling of being pregnant much. Is still a bit surreal to be honest. I've had 2 scans now, seen the heartbeat twice, have another one tomorrow, but don't actually feel anything but...sick. Ah yes, the sickness. Like nothing else I've ever felt. The tiredness is a new kind of tiredness too, sometimes I get very out of breath or find it hard to put one foot in front of the other all of a sudden.
And food....today I could eat ALL day long. Doughnuts, toast, dough, bread, biscuits. Not getting a lot of veg at the mo. So when someone comes and does the annoying thing of touching or looking at my stomach to see if it's a bump- er...it's not people, it's just flab, thanks. Keep your hands/eyes to yourself....
Yesterday I hd some tapioca. Mm-mm. I got a bit confused as I thought tapioca was like semolina and a bit grainy. No. Live and learn! Still it was creamy and carbohydratey and it stayed down so a win there!
Had my midwife appointment on Friday, first one, and all is going well. She seemed a bit harrassed and my God there's a lot of paperwork to fill out when you're having a baby. Didn't really take to her to be honest but we are going to have a doula for the labour, who I'm meeting next week. If we could afford it, would be having an independant midwife but we can't. Felt the breastfeeding pressure was laid on with the midwife already. God hello, can I not get used to being pregnant first? Yes I know it's better for the baby but all the pressure is already putting me off. Leave it a bit eh?
They seem to assume you know about all the things like scans and testing and seeing doctors and hospitals yet not about things like what food you can or can't eat. Ironically it's the other way round. I have no idea when I should be seeing the doctor or what the hospital etiquette is, but I do know I shouldn't eat undercooked seafood. Got to be honest, the thought of seafood at the mo...no thank you.
P has been coming home to me sitting on the sofa most nights generally not being able to do much but sit there. He's doing cooking for him, and trying not to make the kitchen smell of it, I'm nibbling whatever it is i've fancied that day, lookng a bit pathetic, listening to him tell me about his day, then going to bed. I'm not much of a life and soul of the party at the moment!
Oh yes and he ate some prawn cocktail crisps the other day and I lay awake that night not able to sleep because his breath was making me feel so very sick. Normally it's like roses obviously. He however is being just amazing. I love him so much. He is going to be such a fantastic dad.
Anyway, 6 months to go, and there'll be a little baby in the house. I am so excited to meet him or her. I keep talking to Binky in my head. Life is going to be so different.
And food....today I could eat ALL day long. Doughnuts, toast, dough, bread, biscuits. Not getting a lot of veg at the mo. So when someone comes and does the annoying thing of touching or looking at my stomach to see if it's a bump- er...it's not people, it's just flab, thanks. Keep your hands/eyes to yourself....
Yesterday I hd some tapioca. Mm-mm. I got a bit confused as I thought tapioca was like semolina and a bit grainy. No. Live and learn! Still it was creamy and carbohydratey and it stayed down so a win there!
Had my midwife appointment on Friday, first one, and all is going well. She seemed a bit harrassed and my God there's a lot of paperwork to fill out when you're having a baby. Didn't really take to her to be honest but we are going to have a doula for the labour, who I'm meeting next week. If we could afford it, would be having an independant midwife but we can't. Felt the breastfeeding pressure was laid on with the midwife already. God hello, can I not get used to being pregnant first? Yes I know it's better for the baby but all the pressure is already putting me off. Leave it a bit eh?
They seem to assume you know about all the things like scans and testing and seeing doctors and hospitals yet not about things like what food you can or can't eat. Ironically it's the other way round. I have no idea when I should be seeing the doctor or what the hospital etiquette is, but I do know I shouldn't eat undercooked seafood. Got to be honest, the thought of seafood at the mo...no thank you.
P has been coming home to me sitting on the sofa most nights generally not being able to do much but sit there. He's doing cooking for him, and trying not to make the kitchen smell of it, I'm nibbling whatever it is i've fancied that day, lookng a bit pathetic, listening to him tell me about his day, then going to bed. I'm not much of a life and soul of the party at the moment!
Oh yes and he ate some prawn cocktail crisps the other day and I lay awake that night not able to sleep because his breath was making me feel so very sick. Normally it's like roses obviously. He however is being just amazing. I love him so much. He is going to be such a fantastic dad.
Anyway, 6 months to go, and there'll be a little baby in the house. I am so excited to meet him or her. I keep talking to Binky in my head. Life is going to be so different.
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